Updates on myself

1 month ago, I posted here, even though I did not produce the content myself.

 1 month later, I am posting here again. If you were to ask me what I have achieved in this short period, I would hardly mention anything of note. I do not have a proper excuse for my hiatus, there’s no point in deceiving myself.

 In this short month, I could have done many things…. I could have mugged and tried olympiads; I could have prepared for SAT; I could have done some exercise; I could have caught up with old friends and acquaintances. Save for reading half a book (Great Expectations – what irony) I have done nothing.

 This time next year, I will be finishing my A Levels… I wonder how I would be feeling then. Would it be regrets? Would it be relief?

 Not looking too far ahead, I forsee a very busy year ahead. Exams, tests, CCAs, competitions… maybe it’s time to sit down and finally get some work done?

European English

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as “Euro-English”.

In the first year, “s” will replace the soft “c”. Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy.

The hard “c” will be dropped in favour of “k”. This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome “ph” will be replaced with “f”. This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.

Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.

Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent “e” in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing “th” with “z” and “w” with “v”.

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary “o” kan be dropd from vords kontaining “ou” and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl.

Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.

Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.

If zis mad you smil, pleas pas on to oza pepl

Good Governance

I have always believed that in most countries, “dumb” people make up the majority.

 [to be continued]

Funny but true

YOU HAVE TWO COWS

SOCIALISM

You have two cows.

You give one to your neighbor.

COMMUNISM

You have two cows.

The State takes both and gives you some milk.

FASCISM

You have two cows.

The State takes both and sells you some milk.

NAZISM

You have two cows.

The State takes both and shoots you.

BUREAUCRATISM

You have two cows.

The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk away…

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM

You have two cows.

You sell one and buy a bull.

Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.

You sell them and retire on the income.

SURREALISM

You have two giraffes.

The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.

Later, you hire a consultant to analyze why the cow has dropped dead.

ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM

You have two cows.

You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.

The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.

The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.

You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States , leaving you with nine cows.

No balance sheet provided with the release.

The public then buys your bull.

THE ANDERSEN MODEL

You have two cows.

You shred them.

A FRENCH CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You go on strike, organize a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.

You then create a clever cow cartoon image called ‘Cowkimon’ and market it worldwide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows, but you don’t know where they are.

You decide to have lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You count them and learn you have five cows.

You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.

You count them again and learn you have 2 cows.

You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A SWISS CORPORATION

You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.

You charge the owners for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You have 300 people milking them.

You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.

You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

You worship them.

A BRITISH CORPORATION

You have two cows.

Both are mad.

AN IRAQI CORPORATION

Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.

You tell them that you have none.

No-one believes you, so they bomb the **** out of you and invade your country.

You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of a Democracy….

A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION

You have two cows.

The one on the left looks very attractive.

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION

You have two cows.

Business seems pretty good.

You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

Never Too Late

It’s never too late to be who you might have been.

George Eliot
English novelist (1819 – 1880)

The Burmese Crackdown – A Political Game?

Most of you have already heard of what is happening in Myanmar (or “Burma”, the title US/UK prefer) For the benefit of those who haven’t, after days of protests by Buddhist monks and common Burmese citizens, the military junta has moved in to put a halt to demonstrations, firing into crowds and arresting monks and activists. This crackdown is eerily reminiscent of the response to similar protests in 1988.

Unsurprisingly, the world has spoken out against these inhumane acts, with the Americans and Europeans calling for further sanctions. Personally, I find it remotely humorous that these countries often resort to sanctions when dealing countries they barely have any economic/political dealings with. The benefits are many-fold: in this way, they can take on a moral high ground with few losses in sight. Furthermore, they can take this opportunity to urge other countries to join in the effort, effectively leveraging on the influence of others to further their own political agenda. Also, for countries which do not join in the sanctions, it provides yet another platform for the abovementioned countries to consolidate their political standing. One wonders why the blame is put on Beijing (hooray for China-bashers) while Tokyo is virtually left out of the media radar, even though the latter vehemently opposes sanctions.

Singapore, in her capacity as Chairman of ASEAN (ironically, Myanmar declined this position two years ago), has rebuked Myanmar for her handling of this incident. Yet beyond the rhetorics, I wonder what will actually be done – for a start, Singapore is not exactly a supporter of civilian demonstrations. While the other ASEAN countries can sing in tandem to the “Anti-violence” chorus, will they take tangible steps to defuse the ongoing violence? Or to correct the military regime?

The UN is once again seen as a lame duck organization; without the backing of its powerful members, it can hardly do anything significant. Even though the sending of special enjoy Ibrahim Gambari was a laudable effort, there were no results to show for (unless you count those photographs with Au Sang Suu Kyi or the generals). By sending Gambari on a helicopter tour of Norther Myanmar, the junta clearly displays its contempt for UN.

 

I have always felt that such conflicts can only be solved by arms and firepower. Yet this can only happen through two ways – an invasion by America/Europe or self-implosion within the ranks of Myanmar’s State Peace and Development Council (the official name of the junta) The first option is unlikely to come to fruition. America, still embroiled in a messy conflict in Iraq, is militarily overstretched and unlikely to carry out an invasion. With affairs in Mynamar unlikely to affect Europe, European countries clearly will not endorse military action.

The second option is far more likely to occur, although it will not take place in the short run. In any totalitarian regime, internal strife is always a major issue beneath the rosy image. Already, there are reports that the number-two man at the helm of the junta had greatly opposed to the crackdown. Furthermore, poverty and corruption will perpetuate disparities within the junta itself, leading to fierce infighting. With further power struggles, I believe this will most likely lead to the junta’s downfall eventually. 

People in Myanmar deserve better, but often I suspect they are just pawns in a political chess game.